regarding narnia...
aku baru tgk 3rd one.. caspian hot like hotcake okeh!
so aku donlod 2nd one.., x sehensem 3rd one

anyways.. isu die is..
at the end of narnia 2.. peter n susan tau diorang takkan ke narnia again..
and in narnia 3.. lucy n edmund tau diorang takkan kembali ke narnia ..

how do live with that??
think about it.. really think about it... never ever ever again seeing someone u love.. or going back to a place u love.. payah tu..
masa aku cuak xdpt visa gi us.. aku bayangkan if aku xdpt ever kembali gi ann arbor michigan... depressing gile.. narnia lagi la.. forever n ever..pastu kena live the rest of ur lives with dat hanging over u... thinking ape laa jadik kat narnia skang ek..


hahaaa emo skejap




-- Post From My iPhone

too anxious waiting for the iphone to be charged to my creditcard...
dah ready bayo dah hahaha..



it's a trick yg pegawai maybank ajar... aku call die nak tanye apsal tak tercharge2 lagi on the credit card... aku nak bayo before aku "terguna" cash on hand nih...
thru maybank2u.. u cannot pay more than what you owe...
tapi die ajar, if pegi ATM.. then can deposit bape banyak u want...
so ala ala.. jadik cam debit card gak la... prepaid..
cool ek..?


also.. if katakan ur credit limit rm5K.. tapi nak beli bende 7K.. (nak kumpul treatspoint by using creditcard).. takyah susah2 gi mintak temporary naikkan credit limit... just make a deposit at the ATM...jadikkan negetive balance...

i think its cool... hahaha.. takde life betul..

the cat doesnt want to use it..
tapi amir lak sebat....
aiyoo..

should I get this in a bigger size...?

As ppl might know... rafiq is currently working in Oman now..
tax free income.. but also EPF free...
die dah keje dekat 2.5 bulan and 11.5 months to go...
disebabkan ZED fares for airlines staff... then he get round trip ticket KUL-MUSCAT for RM500..
usual price.. RM3000...
so maka harusla balik every month hahaha...


The life of a full time working mom...
and full time shift working mom...
hmmm a lot of sacrifice have to be made....
boleh je aku tersadai in Subang into oblivion..
doing god knows what.... keje2 yg tak memperluaskan experience keje kau..
like being in a black hole bak kata AGM aku...
tapi disebabkan aku tamak.... I want the experience....
then aku gatal gi mintak utk keje KLIA...
its harder la... mainly b'coz of the commute...
and the working hours...


but I'm looking at the long run....
biarla bersusah dahulu...
and I should take the advantage of rafiq not being here, to do all this shit...


Anyways, back to topic.. a few people concern aku sorang with amir...
mak aku dulu, buat masters kat belgium... brought me and my sis to stay with her..
while my dad worked in Malaysia.. I was ~5, my sister was 2...
zaman itu mane SKYPE, email, IDD low cost charges...
to communicate with my dad, we record our message onto cassette tapes.. and send via snail mail...
if we go out.. and mak aku nak pee.. kitorang both have to go in.. and face the lavatory doors...
punye lah...


so cuba bandingkan... mak aku jaga 2 org anak.... aku jaga sorang
mak aku kat negara asing... takde sedara mara... aku kat mesia ramai je sedara mara utk membantu
mak aku takde teknologi nak membantu... aku ade macam2 at my disposal.. skelip mata je leh email/skype
rafiq pulak balik every month


so if she can do it.... I can...
itu baru nama superwoman...... (her, not me)
sekian terima kasih...

my bag reveal :D

sebelum amir lahir... aku dah decide to do this, this, this, this, ...
let me list these things:


1. sleep-train... he needs to learn to sleep on his own
2. sleep away from us, in his cot in his own room
3. no excessive carrying... kang nak berdukung jek
4. no buai.. nanti takleh tido tanpa buai, camne nak gi jalan..
5. come of age, naughty je babab...
6. etc lah....


basically, totally un-AP (attachment parenting)
coz if u knew me... I have becomed hardened by life,
was a phase aku rase sungguh dipergunakan bila aku naive and selfless..
so when I turned into an adult...
I am determined to be selfish.. !! Usaha tu... perlu fikirkan diri sendiri dulu...
now, it comes like 2nd nature to be selfish ngahahaha...


anyways... I was determined that the baby, will not get the best of me.. aku takkan dipijak..
He will be under my rule... I need sleep, I need rest... basically me being selfish...
you go sleep in you room.... you learn to sleep, tak kuasa nak dodoi dodoi 3-4 jam..
the thought of babywearing, co-sleeping and buai-ing ..sungguhla nyusahkan hidup..
p/s: If I had known breastfeeding was so freaking hard, maybe aku plan utk tak BF kot..
tapi masa ni tatau pun BF tu nyusahkan hidup aku...



and the baby comes...
and sungguh la jadik opposite of what I had planned to be....
and I dont know why....
somehow tetiba terjadik bf-ing, bw-ing, co-sleeping, buai-ing mom...
and at that time also dunno the concept of AP....
somehow doing all these things feels right....


I am not saying amir ni tak ngada, manja, independent, etc...
sungguh la ngada, manja and nak berkepit ngn aku...
sejak leh recognize face tak penah tido tanpa aku (except 1 night masa die gi kedah and aku pun gi tgk startrek midnight)
and I dunno how he is gonna turn out...
sometimes bila die ngada-ngada.. tantrummy.... ade gak rase .. ini ke product of AP..? if so, nyesal aku...
tapi macamla budak yg tak raised AP.. takkan throw tantrum and ngada2....
sama je kot.... I dunno... I really dont...



yang penting... to deny a baby from his mother's love, protection and care just feels wrong...
to force sleep training -cry it out method, to force into a separate room, to deny carrying a baby sedangkan die nangis2 nak diangkat and feel secure...
is JUST WRONG...... period.


but I am still selfish...
kalau ikut aku la, aku prefer to sleep separately... and to not BF..
kalau amir boleh and wants to sleep away.. boleh tido away from me with his grandparents... sesungguhnya I WELCOME it !! please take him.. 2-3 hari pon boleh..
but now amir wants co-sleep, amir wants to sleep with me....
what is best for you, is not what is best for baby....



but some form of dicipline will be required for this "terrible-two" year to come.
not sure what yet... i need a book.

P/S: This post was inspired by this entry:
http://glam-mama-diaries.blogspot.com/2010/02/co-sleeping-my-history-and-how-it.html

as I was searching for the mini sudu for our office pantry creamer..
terngiang ngiang zaman kena buat susu formula utk adik aku yg 2 last tu...
bila bukak tin susu baru.. mengagau gagau carik scoop......
skang, aku tau frisogold boh scoop die lekat kat tudung tin....

point is... tak merasa pengalaman nak buat susu formula...
the heating up air... sejukkan susu kalau telebih panas..
goncang goncang...feed using botol
(also, lama gile kitorang tak feed guna botol for EBM.. kat nursery je kot)
pastu travelling with powder formula... termos..
weird la pulak tak buat semua tu skarang...
coz that was a big part of raising a baby for me...


seriusly... I have no clue watsoever about formula...
ape yg bagus, tak bagus, mahal, sembelit, muntah, dha, immunoglobin, etc...
imtotallyclueless...... not sure if its a good thing or bad thing...

lentok on da boobs sambil tgk tv..

ni yang aku tensen ni..

me: mama.. men tak dapat gaji tau.. die letak kat blog die...tulis oh my god.. pastu gamba slip gaji die 0.00 ..
me & mama: muhahahahhahahakahkahkahkah...huahuhuaa....

as the laughter subsides..
mama: tak baik la adik kesusahan pegi gelakkan pulak...
me: eh.. you laughed also what...
mama: mama takpe.. sebab lepas gelak mama bagi duit...
me: ooo okeh.. so I cant afford to laugh la nih...
mama: soo.. ade air mata tak kat gamba slip gaji die tu..?

Ade gak entry pasal coach dulu dulu.....
http://ellywirda.blogspot.com/2008/04/im-eating-oat-for-lunch.html

siap dinamakan ULTIMATE WISHLIST...
tapi still takdek sape bagi kat aku mende yg tersenarai dlm tu pon...(*hint hahah)

replying to my sis's entry;
http://viviryokiworld.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-sickness.html

memang pressure betul nak puaskan hati bapak aku..
aku rase kitorang semua (adik beradik) ade nightmare if tak berjaya study oversea...
masa adik aku yg last tu nak interview MARA...
mak aku cakap.. "kalau ikram tak dapat gi oversea, ikram sorang je yg sucks.." (not sucks la.. but cant remember the words... in joking tones, but so stress if I was my brother lah... )

still remember this one conversation when I was 12 in ferry kat penang...
bapak aku cakap.. "nana besar jadik enginerr"
"no, I nak jadik pramugari"..
"tak .. kena jadik engineer"
me dalam hati ..."we'll see"
sejak aku form 1 lagi aku dah cakap "aku nak masuk MIT"
not that I know what MIT is ....


pastu aku rase sebab aku takleh nak please his standards..
so aku sentiasa terattracted to genius guys...
like my 4.0 pointer ex-bf.... and my MIT-grad husband...
masa form 5, cikgu suruh buat list 5 ciri-ciri yg kamu nak ade pada pasangan idaman and... no.1 dalam list aku.. PANDAI... orang lain semua letak alim, understanding, hensem ..whatever la... but i think aku je letak PANDAI as nombor 1...


susah la nak cerita.. komplex sangat cerita pasal sentiasa dipressure to perform ni.. effected my whole life.... too long to explain now at 2 am in the morning...


so basically walaupun die takde anak yang masuk MIT.. tapi ade gak son-in-law yang masuk MIT hahahahha...


wonder if I'll be that kind of high hope parent to AMir.....
masa amir baby2 lagi aku dah letak stiker "LITTLE PILOT ON BOARD" kat kete hahaha...

amir sakit mata... aku n rafiq dah berjangkit dah ni...
perlu ke cuti..? laju gile mende ni merebaks...
tapi otak dan muscle aku tak terjejas utk buat keje....

RABIATUL ADAWIYYAH... READ THIS.. JANGAN DENGKI...

http://ellywirda.blogspot.com

dengan bestnye nak report...
dah 2 hari amir tak nangis ditinggalkan kat nursery… happy kot gi situ


Pastu skang die suka main ngn budak lain..
Masa gi summit nak beli psp tu..
ade kapel lain pun ngn budak baya amir… jalan atas lantai aa…
Amir sebok nak pegi kat die and gelak2 nak ajak main …
budak tu lari, budak tu cam tak senyum pun…


malam pun tido "okay" ..
tapi kalau die tak bangun terjaga bukak mata or bangun nangeh.. or nak main.. or terlalu kerap mintak susu... this is what I call OKAY!!


Bagus la amir skarang .. aku suka…


Prizes yg dimenangi from tiny tapir dah sampai...

I tot it was onya bag.. rupanye onya weigh...
which is even better!! coz I need some produce bags... from vege and fruits...
not sure how the weigher at the supermarket is gonna react though....
org mesia takleh pelik sket....
can also be used to laundry lingerie and delicates.. sukaa!!!







This is my buble tea sized glass straw... reduce waste buying plastic straws!!
the red decorative dots tu utk prevent rolling and kejatuhan dari meja... this one aku beli... ship kan skali with prizes.. thanks Li!!

to quote from tiny tapir's entry

..and you’re not using up yet another bit of plastic (used for 5 minutes, hanging around our planet for hundreds of years).

terasa nak beli lagi satu.. size normal plak...

i think i'm obsessed with wanting to remember my past..
or at the very least recreate the same photos as my past..
tu pasal pergi semua tempat yg aku dah penah gi..
dulu kekecik gi mini europe.. now also wanna go mini europe..
dulu gi versailles.. now also wanna go versailles...
penat aku heret rafiq to find my old house and school in ghent belgium..
but so many things have changed since ~25 years ago..

takdela pulak old photos yg scanned on this pc...
i got this pic from my sis's facebook...
my parents went on a road trip from belgium.. sampai ke italy..
holland, swiss, france etc...
we slept in the car, caravans and camping site... mandi, kat tasik..
i remember 1 pic, masak guna penunu bunsen...

tapi road trip dulu tak sama ngn road trip skang..
dulu can petik raspberry from the road side.. and marvel at sceneries..
my parents majoring in agriculture asik stop to take photos with the trees..haiya..
and we always stop at playgrounds.. and tasik...
nowadays.. theres highways... cepat and no fuss... and no fun.. :(

in this pic kat camping site...

can u find me? (cue japanese horror movie scene hahaha)..



ni hari terakhir nak gi skolah, kat ghent belgium tu.. bawak gift utk cikgu..



i wanna recreate this pic.. but then have create another baby... hahaha



now, i really wanna go to tulips garden... my mom is obsessed with flowers...
kalau masuk umah... our house is full of hanging pics of flowers...
anyways... ade gamba kat tulip show/garden.. and its a beautiful pic...
mane tah gamba dulu2....
mungkin nak gi holland time musim bunga hehehhe...
then sambung ke italy... i remember my mom bought me a crystal necklace yg ade initial A kat rome....

Tengah nak kosong2kan SD card... found these vids...
banyak lagi serupa gini... berlatih berjalan punye vids..
around umur amir 10 mths.. booolaatnyeeeeee mukaaa




reminder to self... (delete nanti)
1. thread
2. charge batteri
3. bawak spec and alat2 lens
4. upgrade FF membership to platinum (free now)
5. dentist trip? (malasnye!, but tgh pakai temporary filling nih)
6. sunblock

short update...

dah 3-4 hari amir muntah-muntah... and cirit birit.... (not constantly muntah/cirit aa)
nanti aku explain detail...
after that rafiq plak kena......

comforter rumah aku habis semua kena basuh.. and the selimut pun..
semua tempat dah muntah... bra nursing pun dah habis kena basuh semua sbb die muntah atas badan aku a few times
cuaca pun tak sunny.. maka takde tempat nak nyidai dah...
cam tongkang pecah rumah...
never wanted a maid.. but due to rumah too sepah.... terlintas difikiran, kalau ade maid ni, senang idup..
tido pun tak nyenyak dah bape hari dah.... ngantuk cam haram

now aku plak rase cam nak demam.. but still fighting...
keje opis pun berlambak.... tapi nak kena gi course....
lecehs tul....



tak sabau nak cuti...
gtg class akan start shortly...

hmmm, amir rasenye dah reverse cycle...


drinking at nursery around 8 oz only... perluke risau ngn amount ini?
harap2 amir makan food kat situ....
semalam nursery dah panaskan susu lebeh... about 4 oz...
bagi kat aku masa balik....
how laaa.... takkan nak buang...
so berusaha gakla.. campo ngan oats... bagi kat amir..
campo ngn milo sket.. bagi kat amir...
habis gak 4 oz tu...
so kira die minum 12 oz gak aa semalam...


tapi malam direct feeding yg lahap punye la...
seblum ni elok je die tido thru the night... waking to suck 1-2 times only...
now 4-5 kali.. and minum yg lahap...
tak tido la aku... tapi tak kisahla... as long as he is not depressed kat nursery..
tak nampak any signs of depressed/stress..
mata je sembab sket... mungkin sbb nangeh byk.. or sebab demam...


oh ya, die light fever due to cucuk MMR.....
cucuk hari sabtu... aku ingatkan ni cucuk yg tak demam...
ingatkan yg demam yg 3 serangkai tu... rupanye ni pun ade demam...
4 days after cucuk baru demam... so amir pun slight fever la..
but masih aktif... not too bad..
tapi kalau aku tau demam, takde la aku cucuk on the first week gi nursery...

Biggest mistake ever... prolonging nursery... patut awal-awal aku campak masuk nursery... kecik2 die tak kisah pun sape, asalkan needs are met.... now amir dah big enough to differentiate faces... stranger anxiety etc.... susah pulak nak antar nursery.... aku pulak ade separation anxiety nih.... anxiety over amir's separation anxiety.... I'm not ready yet.... (will I ever be though??)...

ke nak buat style mak aku... campak je memana nursery tanpa belas kasihan... aku rase ni style parenting org dulu-dulu.... kalau tido nangeh, pun biarkan je supaya blajar self-soothe....jangan biasakan dukung... jangan biasakan etc etc nanti manja sangat.... (the opposite of attachment parenting -AP)... aku rase this opposite AP style parenting are so happening in the 80-s (aku tak ingat ape nama style parenting ni, dulu aku ade bace)... formula milk pun happening zaman 80's ni...

I'm not dissing my mom.. aku admire her for being able to do it, right now I dont think I can... I'm sure she did what she thought was the best (those 80's books says its best)... heck who knows whats best??? nanti tah2 amir bising pasal aku AP kan die... saying that AP-ing makes him unindependent ke etc.. who knows whats best..... we all do what we think is best...

I've always thought I could, baby gi nursery, me work... be a carear woman like my mom.. ... but susahnye... maybe mak aku dulu pun stress jugak.. just aku je tak nampak... tapi masa die campak aku merata2, masa aku dah beso... awal2 tu nenek aku jaga kot... 4-5 tahun kot... she already got another baby to focus on...

aku pun tatau ape aku merepek ni.... sure hope I dont screw him up...


What is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage experienced by a child when separated from the primary caregiver. It typically manifests itself as crying and distress when a child is away from a parent or from home.

As time goes by and a child learns to feel safe in a new environment and secure that a parent or caregiver will return after an absence, anxiety over separation should fade.

The typical sequence of child development and parent/child attachment is as follows:

* First few months: Babies don’t differentiate much among caregivers and usually can be calmed by any loving person, regardless of relationship. This is why new parents often get more emotional the first time they leave an infant with a babysitter or at day care than the baby does!

* 7-14 months: By about 7 months, babies realize that there’s only one Mommy and/or Daddy, but they don’t have a sense of time, so even if parents step into the next room for a minute, all the baby knows is that they’re gone — maybe forever! — and they’re going to cry or cling or do whatever it takes to keep that from happening. This phase is often called “stranger anxiety,” because even the happiest child becomes shy or fearful around everyone but the primary caregiver, and generally peaks before 18 months.

* Toddler/preschool years: Children can be anxious and become emotional when a parent or primary caregiver leaves but can be distracted by activities with the caregiver or other children.

* By age 5: Most children are secure enough to be left with a babysitter or dropped off at school without distress.

aku nak beli mesin jahit lah...
lama dah ku simpan niat nak beli...
first of all.. nak resize t-shirt2 umich yg longgar tu (chewah)
nak bagi fitting sket....

2nd nak jahit my own baju...
susah la nak cari baju yg fitting bagus and sesuai ngn taste aku
thats why susah aku nak beli baju .... ade je tak kena...

3rd nak jahit stuff around the house...
sarung bantal, kusyen...baju amir, baju gabby..

next nak jahit langsir.....

yg aku malas nih... ade jek org tak caya ngan kebolehan aku menjahit nih....
menjahit nih hobby aku sejak kecik tau...
dulu aku suka jahit baju utk barbie aku.... mak aku tak belikan baju kat toyrus...
aku plak main taram je kain2 perca tah memana.... aku tgk ade a few baju kurung mak aku tak pakai, so aku gunting jek...
hahah bila die find out tetiba ade square hole kat kain die.. hangin aaa die ...

pastu dulu lepas smayang maghrib..
mak aku akan ajar kitorang (aku and adik aku yg 2nd, tatau die ingat tak) menjahit...
guna kain yg checked.....(kotak2)...
menjahit la kitorang ikut lines kat kain tu...
aku ingat lagi, kat masterbedroom and near the door kat dinding
dari situ aku menjahit batu seremban checked hehehe...

pastu masa cuti skolah mak aku selalu anta aku gi klass menjahit...
and klass cross stitch ...
(bapak aku lak suka anta aku gi klass komputer.. blaja wordstar etc)...
anyways.....nenek aku pun ajar aku menjahit guna mesin singer besi gedek2 tu
dulu2 die jahit baju raya kitorang.. aku menolong la mane2 yg patut...
boleh dikatakan pro gile aku pakai mesin jahit singer tu...
control kaki pun hebat...

yg aku tau ..impian aku masa darjah 5 and 6..
nak befday present mesin jahit kat toysrus..... akhirnye dapat gak...
makin galak aku taram kain tah sesapa hahahah...
kalau aku rase aku takkan kantoi... aku gunting je baju2 lama mak aku..
tapi aku tak tere aa guna motor kaki die... cam susah nak control

masa masuk maahad.. for 1-3 aku amek ekonomi rumah tangga....
jahit la memacam .. baju kurung kedah, lapik meja...etc
yg paling best cikgu ajar jahit tangan.... ade assignment
aku nye power.. siap boleh buat corak2 kreativ yg tak diajar..
cikgu bagi 9/10 and tampal kat blakang klass ERT..
jahitan cakar ayam (nama jahitan die tak silap aku) super imposed and revesed on top of each other..
menghasilkan pattern yg superb...
yg aku rase best is coz.. sebab cikgu ni anti betul ngn aku.... hahahha

masa form 3 buat project PMR ERT.. cikgu yg sama gak...
aku terlalu semangat jahit..
sampai lagi laju dari ape cikgu arahkan.. tak ikut schedule aa..
pastu die suruh aku tetas balik... (dengkinye!, salah ke kalau aku advance sket?)
penat gile aku tetas.. kitorang jahit yg cam quilt tu.. 3 lapis..ngn span nipis..

yang lagi lawak is.. aku jahitkan semua mende utk kawan aku 2 org ni.. si Umi and Najwa...
pastu one day kantoi.... pastu cikgu tu suruh kawan aku si Umi ni jahit...
sebab uminye kain dah separuh siap.. so cikgu suruh sambung jahit depan mata die, die nak tengok....
pastu si umi ni mmg langsung tak reti guna mesin jahit....
letak kain, terus jahit... tapak kat jarum tu tak turunkan pon...
so tah memana die jahit... kena tetas balik...
lawak gile masa ni.... hahahah kantoi besar besaran...
pastu cikgu suruh kitorang berdua buat balik.....
tak pasal2 tak kira ape yg aku dah jahit...
weii bapa kali aku nak kena jahit balik daaa...
tensen tul aku.... asik kena start balik....
tapi nasib baik aku power, kejap je dah siap..
umi tu duduk luar (bukan asrama cam aku)..
so die hantar jahit kat kedai...

pastu cikgu tu skang friend aku kat dalam facebook... hahah lawaks...

anyways... lately aku tak menjahit...
yang latest pun... jahit manik kat tudung kawin kak eila... (kak eila ke jirah)
then aku jahit baju inner layer chiffon utk baju kawin aku..
sebab lace die see-thru...
ooo masa berpantang aku jahit meitai....
tapi yg nih mesin die ade rosak sket... so seksa gak aku menjahit...
anwyays kain meitai tu tak best.. beli kat nagoya jek..

tapi aku sebnanye takut skett (intimidated) ngn mesin2 jahit zaman moden nih
aku hanya pernah guna singer gedek gedek yg berat tu jer...
a few times je guna mesin jahit moden...
and also specialty aku jahit tangan sampai buta mata...
so... agak cuak ngn mesin zaman skarang....

anyways, harap2 takde lagi yang sangsi ngn kebolehan aku menjahit...
takde lagi komen "elly, u sewww??!!!"
just coz I constantly blog doesnt mean u know me......

tapi kena fikir kehadapan... at least by the time aku bersara..
harap2 boleh ade skill jahit baju kurung...
dapatla buat duit sambil mengisi masa lapang..
jauh tak aku fikir? hahahhaa

im thinking between brother XL2630 or NV50 hahhahah
rafiq.. nak tolong sponsor tak? harga lebeh kurang cam TV kau :P