standardla ni... i go through this cycle of highs and lows..
every few months... aku rase stress sangat breastfeeding..
especially bila die reverse-cycle.. no sleep..
total i'd day aku tido sehari less than 4.5 hours

pastu campo plak ngn amir yang asik nak bergayut je..
ini la yang paling mencabar...
I cant do houswork (sepah la rumah, coz no luxury of maid)
cant cook..so buy food... then habisla budget aku nak beli pleats..
then cant eat.. cant drink when I need to..
cant poop cant pee...when I need to.. so asik kena tahan..

semalam aku nak buat something with maybank2u...
amir nak bergayut and tido..
aku nak larikan diri, die bangun and nak boobs..
sedut 1-2 times then tido.. but aku gerak, die sedut balik..
then bila finally die tak sedar.. internet plak takde...
bengangnye aku!!!!...then bila internet ade, amir plak bangun balik...
pastu aku plak nak terkencing .. aku gi jamban coz mood aku tgh screw eveything..
melalak aa amir... I blamr fking p1 wimax.. yang super suxxxx!! merosakkan mood aku..

kelmarin aku nak terkencing and super dupe haus and lapar..
tapi again amir dalam mood nak gayut and tido...
die lak nak aku baring skali.. how aku nak eat and drink...
rafiq bagi aku cup and straw.... tunggu tido baru leh makan...

combination and culmunation of all.. will break me down..
and bila aku break down, aku amek kesempatan melepaskan semua tensen..
nangeh puas puas for all various reason... tak dapat install photoshop, tak dapat beli pleat pun termasuk gakla reasons nak nangeh semalam... lepas tu okay balik,


nak aje aku take the easy way out.. just exclusively pump... bm jugak kan..
senang gile hidup aku.... no more sore nipples.. bloody nipple ..
(still got it bila tergigit ngn the 8 teeths amir tu)
ade freedom to do what I want... the freedom to not hold my own pee...
to poop whenever I need to poop...
malam2 pon boleh je aku suruh papa panaskan susu, so I can get my beauty sleep longer.. life will be much easier...


but there's more benefit with breastfeeding...
which I will get into it next time...todays session is for venting....
so harini aku akan hanya focus on the tensen side of breastfeeding...
(so sesapa yg membace jangan la discourage.. jangan ingat takde mende best nursing baby.. 80% is good... 20% is tensen.. tapi harini aku nak rant on the tensen part.... ilangkan stress)

but everytime aku got over myself and renew the resolve to continue breastfeeding
I am happy I got over the obstacle and tak amek jalan senang...
sangat senang nak putus usaha... it's a test of your kesabaran..
seriusly... the mantra... its just a phase.. helps a lot... sakit dan seksa hanya sementara...

but I am still not happy financially...
oh yeah! I blame money too.... If I had enough money to shop (retail therapy)...
dont think i'd be stress about the things above hahhahaa (I wish)

harini course... so kena pam 3 kali... stressnye... gtg pump!!!